Confession. As in confession.

I can't do this any more... that's not me. Being rude on purpose, just to prove something to someone but to yourself in the first place? really? no thank you.
I don't know why I even pretended I could pull this off...
He's trying. As big a jerk as he might be, he's been trying for quite a while now and... there's no way I can refuse to see that. This whole thing, whatever it is, it's not going anywhere. But I'm still me though, and I no more allow myself to not appreciate people trying. I mean I would be happy to be seen trying. This is not easy for him, pretty much for anyone, so...
No matter how much it's gonna hurt again, and I'm pretty sure it will, to be nice to him is what I want; to as many people as possible. And I won't judge. Whatever he feels, it seems real to me, even though he's totally incapable of expressing it in a way I would think right.
And this anxiety... it'll go away. Because really, he is not what I want.